I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
