i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
