i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
