Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize