Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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