Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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