My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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