I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Help me help you realize you are a moron
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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