I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
