Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
