i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
