Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
