it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
