Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
