I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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