I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
