I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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