I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
