My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
