THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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