Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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