I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
