Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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