It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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