You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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