Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
