tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to make out with him forever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize