I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i've created a new STD.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
