i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize