you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
