How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize