i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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