I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
