sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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