just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
