Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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