I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
