just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
