he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize