At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
