I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
