I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
