Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
