I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
