Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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