how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
