Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
