her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
