what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
