And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
