its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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