ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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