I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
