We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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