If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize