They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
