You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
