it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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