I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
