I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
