i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
