my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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