i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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