we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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