Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
