You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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