That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
