I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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