Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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