would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
as a side note pls kill me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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