direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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